So much in life has changed in the past two weeks. It’s the same, and then it changes all at once and one can never go back again. As Eleanor sleeps on my chest, bundled against my skin, I can’t imagine life without her and yet, it was less than a year ago that she wasn’t even in existence in our lives.
I am quickly learning how sleepless nights turn into days, how many diapers a baby can go through, how much spit up it takes to soak an outfit, and how incredibly awesome this thing called motherhood is.
It’s not easy but all of you know that. It’s not the spit up, diapers, or even the sleepless nights that make it hard. It’s the uncertainty. It’s the desire to make the world a beautiful place for her to grow up in. It’s the desire to keep her safe physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s the realization of how little I control. That’s what makes it hard. All these diapers and such will go away in time…but will the world be a beautiful place for her? I don’t want her to see the greed, selfishness of the world. I want her to see the world full of opportunity, full of joy, and full of abundance. I suppose this is probably every parent’s wish for their child but I didn’t realize how much I wanted it for Eleanor until she was placed in my arms.
Watching Zechariah become a father to Eleanor gives my heart so much joy and reassurance. I don’t know what Eleanor’s future brings but when I look at them together, I know that it will all be okay. Here in this moment, we live together. We will show her the snow in December and the peach blossoms in April. We will make memories together living and loving.
When I think about motherhood in this perspective, it gets a whole lot easier.